


The Least of All Possible Evils

by LadyMerlin



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Coming of Age, Embarrassed Killua Zoldyck, Established Relationship, Ging is a Bad Parent, Gon makes Dubious Choices, Hisoka is Crazy but Not Evil, Hisoka the Murder Clown, Humour, M/M, Not Beta Read, The Author Regrets Nothing, frank discussions of sex, the sex talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16704424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMerlin/pseuds/LadyMerlin
Summary: Gon has made a handful of questionable decisions since he left Whale Island, the first time. Few, he thinks, have been as unwise as this.





	The Least of All Possible Evils

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written in three hours between me watching episodes 3 and 4 of season 3. The boys are just about to reach Yorknew City and I just _had_ to write this. No, I don't know what I'm doing with my life either. 
> 
> All Hail Netflix.

Gon has made a handful of questionable decisions since he left Whale Island, the first time. Few, he thinks, have been as unwise as this.

In his defence, it’s not like he has anyone else to ask.

No, _really_. Kurapika and Leorio excluded (for obvious and heterosexual reasons), he doesn’t have any adult friends whom he trusts to not use the knowledge against him. He's not sure either Wing-san _or_ Zushi have ever had sex. Ging has _probably_ had sex, if he hadn’t used some esoteric _Nen_ method to create Gon in the first place, but the less said about him, the better. Mito-san is out because Gon would rather _die_ than ask her about having sex with _anyone_.

And Killua – well. Killua knows everything, but he’s the reason Gon has to ask in the first place.

Hisoka will almost definitely use this against him, but at least he can be relied on to do that. The devil he knows, and all that. Although this isn’t something he’d ever tell Hisoka, who would throw the most _epic_ bitchfit if he thought he was getting predictable.

It’s why he lets Hisoka get a few (really painful) punches in before he puts up his hand to ask a question, like he hasn’t done since he was in school, almost ten years past. It’s so silly that even Hisoka stops to stare at him. Through their years of beating the crap out of each other – or at least, of Hisoka beating the crap out of him – they’ve become, well. Not exactly friends? Gon is probably Hisoka’s most persistent challenger. At least there’s some form of respect between them.

“Have you ever had sex?” he asks and suppresses the urge to curse his non-existent filter. Anyone else would probably be _really_ offended by that, but… Hisoka stares at him and then tilts his head, like a curious dog (another thing he’ll never _ever_ tell him).

“You’re really asking that?” Hisoka asks, sounding totally-not-offended, _yet_. Gon heaves a sigh of relief, because at least Hisoka – more than some of his newer acquaintances – knows of his tendency to blurt out whatever he’s thinking without dressing it up. “Now?” he asks, gesturing slightly around them as if Gon hasn’t noticed the havoc they’ve wreaked, great gashes in the earth, littered with bits of broken stone.

Gon shrugs. “If not now, when? I mean, once we’re done fighting you’ll probably walk off dramatically into the sunset, right?”

“Hey,” Hisoka says, but not like he’s actually protesting Gon’s prediction. “Timing fights to end at sunset isn’t always possible. Sometimes I walk off dramatically into the sunrise.” Gon has seen Hisoka walk dramatically off a pier and into the ocean once, so he’s not going to dispute that. He tries to be patient, because Hisoka looks like he’s _considering_ entertaining Gon’s question.

“So?” he asks eventually, agonizingly long moments later. “Have you had sex?”

“Shh,” Hisoka hushes him, flapping a hand. “I’m trying to savour this moment. I always knew it would come,” he says, thin lips curling into a wicked smile. “I’ve been telling people ever since we first met that your attraction to me would one day overwhelm your sense of self-preservation, and I regret to have to inform you that contrary to popular belief I am not in the practice of sleeping with _children_ ; I’m _murder-_ sexual not a paedophile—”

All at once, Gon understands what Hisoka is getting at, and he fake-gags. It’s something he’d do with Killua, or his other friends, not with someone as unpredictable as Hisoka. He holds his breath for a second to see if Hisoka will be offended, but from the corner of his eye he can see Hisoka’s shoulders slump in relief. “I’m not hitting on you, Hisoka, oh my _god_.”

“Well, thank goodness for that. I’d have _hated_ to break your heart,” Hisoka replies, his wink giving the lie. “But to answer your question, I have, although this is a super weird and inappropriate line of questioning. Unless you’re trying to trash-talk me?”

Gon _does_ roll his eyes this time. “Have I ever trash-talked you?”

Hisoka shrugs, conceding the point. “There’s a first time for everything.”

“No,” Gon says firmly. “I’m not trash-talking you. And you can’t say this is weird and inappropriate – you used to say fighting me turned you on when I was _twelve_. You’re the _king_ of weird and inappropriate.” Hisoka shrugs again, but grins.

“So what are you asking, really, Gon-kun?”

Gon doesn’t protest the overly-familiar address. He supposes he can’t, really. “How does it work?”

At this, Hisoka blinks and looks genuinely surprised. “Sorry, what?” He straightens out of his fighting pose and puts his hands on his hips, and _stares_ , like it will tell him something about Gon he doesn’t already know.

“How does sex work? I mean, not the making babies thing, but sex, you know? How do I do it?” Gon lets his usual bluntness carry him through the embarrassment of having to ask this question. “I mean, I went online to look but I found a lot of weird stuff and I’m not sure how true it is.”

Hisoka presses his face into his hands and Gon thinks this is the lowest he’s ever let his guard down around Gon, since the first time Gon stole his badge in the Hunter exam. Across the space between them he hears Hisoka mumble that he’d never wanted children in the first place. He can’t help but grin, because that much is obvious.

“I never thought I’d be talking about the birds and the bees to _anyone_ , let alone to _you_.”

“Some people who shouldn’t have had kids had them anyway, which is why I’m here now, asking you this question.” Gon shrugs. He’s not ashamed of this. He never asked to be born, no matter how Ging makes him feel about it.

Hisoka sighs but doesn’t protest further. “Temporary truce?” he volunteers, and Hisoka nods. Gon trusts him at least this far. Hisoka is crazy, but he isn’t evil, exactly.

In an ideal world, this conversation would have taken place in the safety of a home, instead of a clearing in the middle of the forest. Gon would have liked it if neither of them had been armed, too, but this is not an ideal world. “Shall I assume that the object of your affections is Killua?”

Gon blushes, which he can’t help, and doesn’t reply. Hisoka nods like he understands anyway. “Do I have to explain that if he doesn’t want to, you shouldn’t?” Gon shakes his head, because that much has always been clear to him. It’s only recently that he’s even considered their future together, since they started kissing in a way that children don’t.

“Well, my advice is to go slowly. This isn’t a movie, where everything has been scripted ahead of time and the actors make it look like they have a telepathic connection with each other. You won’t know what he’s thinking until you ask, and he won’t know your mind until you speak. Communication, I suppose, is important.” Hisoka looks a little pained at saying this, but it rings true, and makes sense.

“Isn’t it a little embarrassing?” Gon prompts hesitantly when it looks like Hisoka himself doesn’t know how to continue.

He stares incredulously at Gon. “You have _never_ been embarrassed a day in your life, Gon, don’t tell me you’re going to start now. Just say what you want and what you’re feeling. What you like and what you don’t like. If it were anyone but Killua I’d have other advice for you, like keeping concealed knives in bed and such, but I don’t think it would ever even occur to you to mistrust him. Am I right?” Gon nods. “I also have the feeling that he probably already knows these things. He won’t lead you wrong, Gon-kun.”

Gon swallows hard, and nods. “I know he won’t. I just don’t want to be – I don’t want him to have to teach me. I want to be on even ground. I don’t think inexperience is very attractive.”

“Oh,” Hisoka says, smiling enigmatically, “you’d be surprised. Innocence can be _very_ sexy, Gon-kun. I imagine Killua would enjoy showing you the ropes, _especially_ if you made it clear that they were new to you. I’m a firm believer in the principle that we should try everything at least _once_.” Somehow it sounds like a threat, even though Hisoka doesn’t seem to be threatening him, an almost absent-minded use of his overwhelming aura making it hard for Gon to breathe.

And then all of a sudden, Hisoka’s aura is gone. “Then of course, the usual advice applies. Neither of you could get pregnant but make sure to use condoms until you’re sure that you’re both clean and monogamous. Be careful about where you do your blood tests because there are definitely people out there could track you using left-over blood samples. Try to maintain hygiene, though it’s not always easy when you’re playing with butts. Lubricant is your friend – more of it never hurts. Don’t jumpt straight to hardcore BDSM without experiencing vanilla first.”

“Vanilla?” Gon asks, interrupting the stream of words.

“Yes, you know, the basics. Kissing, hand-jobs, you know. Stuff that doesn’t require so much preparation. Blow-jobs, I suppose, but you may want to ease into that. I’m actually quite good at this,” Hisoka muses, while Gon tries to take notes with a pen on the back of his hand. “I should give talks to kids in school. Maybe I should write a book.” He sounds almost worryingly sincere.

“I’d buy it,” Gon says, because he would, just to see how Hisoka translates his R-rated… _everything_ … into something palatable for children. Hisoka beams at him.

“Anything else, Gon-kun?”

Gon nods and ducks his head. “How do I tell him that I want to be with him?”

Hisoka laughs darkly, but Gon thinks that’s just how he laughs so he tries not to worry too much. “Just use your words and tell him. I know you’d rather he divine your intentions and initiate whatever he wants, but if I know anything – and I _do_ – he’s waiting for you to initiate instead. He won’t want to pressure you into intimacy, especially if he knows you’re inexperienced. Just tell Killua what you told me, that you want to be with him. He’s not going to laugh at you, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“Is _that_ what all this is about?” Killua asks from behind them, and both Gon and Hisoka leap into the air, shocked. Hisoka regains his feet almost immediately, but Gon clutches at his chest and gasps, mortified that he’s been so easily caught out by the very person he’d been evading. He should have known better than to try – nothing in his brain is primed to defend against Killua.

“That’s my cue, kids. Enjoy your, ahem,” Hisoka clears his throat and winks lewdly, “ _activities_.”

Both Killua and Gon pretend to gag and Gon is swamped with the realisation that this is a reaction he’s learned from Killua, so much that they even sound alike while doing it. He can’t help but wonder in what other ways they’ve learned to mirror each other. By the time he recovers, Hisoka is gone and Killua is standing beside him, studying him. His face is so familiar and so dear that Gon thinks he knows it better than his own; knows everything about it, from the scar across Killua’s eyebrow to the exact spot in his right cheek where his dimple forms, to the way he can lick the very tip of his nose while crossing his eyes.

“Idiot,” Killua says, but his tone is mild and his fingers are laced with Gon’s, so he hears what Killua is really saying and there’s only one way to respond.

“I love you too.”

“You could literally have asked anyone else, if you didn’t want to ask me about it.” Killua still sounds expressionless, but humour is brimming over in his eyes and Gon can tell he’s laughing by the way he tugs at Gon until they’re standing mere inches apart.

Gon leans in half-way, a game of chicken that he can’t wait to lose. “Yeah? Like who?”

Killua moves the rest of the way until their noses are touching. His eyes are breath-taking. “Anyone would have been better than the murder clown.”

Gon _almost_ laughs, mirth bubbling in his chest, but he’s cut off by Killua’s lips on his. Yielding to the kiss is the easiest forfeit he’s ever given, even if he can’t stop smiling.

“Ugh,” Killua says, pulling back from the kiss, but he’s smiling too. “You aren’t allowed to be this cute,” he whispers.

Gon dons his best impression of Killua’s smirk, quirking an eyebrow just so. "Good thing you like me enough to let me break the rules, then." 

"Ugh," Killua says again. "I really do." Gon has no choice but to kiss him again. 

"So how much of that did you overhear?" Gon asks, eventually. 

"I've got here when he was accusing you of trash-talking him. Were you serious, though? Do you really want to do stuff with me?" Gon considers this and opens his mouth to respond. "And don't say that stuff could mean anything, idiot, you know what I mean." Gon shuts his mouth but he's smiling. 

"I want anything that you want." Killua goes absolutely scarlet, and it's so rare that Gon can't help but admire it, touching his cheeks to feel how hot his skin has become. "Okay?" 

"Okay," Killua replies and squeezes Gon's hand. "Okay. But you're not allowed to talk to Hisoka about our sex life, ever again." 

"You make it sound like I'll have a choice, now. You know him as well as I do." 

"Ugh." 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & Kudos are Love <3<3<3


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